Your family of origin is powerful, but more so are you

There has been an overwhelming discussion about how the new generations are coming from extremes. On one side, there are the overindulged and/or over protected children who grow up feeling the “right” to get everything they want or over-entitled in life. Which sadly this is not how life works, they then become depressed and feeling like a failure. On the other extreme side we have the neglected children whom also end up depressed and feeling like a failure because they did not get a sense of belonging in their family. This is how important the family of origin is in a child’s life (or to understand our own grown up selves).

Here are some important points to consider for these two important extreme ways children can be raised. Jonice Webb, PhD wrote a short article that describes how the “neglect” part affects individuals.  The main points are seven ways you can recognize if you grew up in this type of family:

1.Feelings of emptiness (different from others, numbness)

2.Fear of being dependent (go to extremes to be independent)

3.Unrealistic self-appraisal (knowing self, strengths and weaknesses)

4.No compassion for yourself, plenty for others (harder on self and good to others)

5.Guilt, shame, self-directed anger and blame (directed at self)

6.Feeling fatally flawed (feeling that something is wrong with self)

7.Difficulty feeling, identifying, managing and/or expressing emotions (not knowing how to or word emotions)

You can make the difference. If you recognize one or several of these then the work is yours. Find ways to help yourself. In addition, if you are a parent you have the responsibility to not continue the tradition or pass on to the next generation the same emotions or overcompensate. This is the other side of the extreme creating over-entitled children.

Call us if you need personal help or with parenting. Also Amy McCready has two great books to help guide you as a parent: The Me, Me, Me Epidemic & If I Have to Tell You One More Time.

 

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